Rednecks and Charedim are pretty similar

Posted on -06002007-03-18T19:08:09-06:00312007b-06:00Sun, 18 Mar 2007 19:08:09 -0600 5, 206


Have you ever realized that ultra orthodox and trailer trash have a lot of things in common? I was talking with my dear friend John Dickens over supper last week and we came up with a bunch of similarities between the two groups.

One of the most common similarities are the cars, no rednecks don’t drive 15 seater vans and charedim do not drive old pickup trucks but they do both tend to drive the crappiest cars until death at which point the car is retired to the lawn where it stands proudly on cinder blocks rusting away and becoming target practice for little kids with their BB guns. In the orthodox community many times you will find the old rusting hulk still in use, the bumper hanging on bungee cords and the broken windows taped up with duct tape. They also drive their cars proudly- the redneck in his truck with some wolf scene painted o the back and some stickers from arctic cat, Harley Davidson and Winchester Rifles. While the frummy will have a large 15 seater van with the ever famous shmuz magnet, maybe one of those cucumber ribbons and some will also have the put the brakes on loshon harah stickers.

When all else fails the car is also retired to the lawn where it frequently becomes a playground for the 15 kids running around without shoes and playing with any spare construction materials lying around. Rednecks also tend to have a bunch of kids running around aimlessly playing with garbage and other materials that happen to be lying around- the largest difference between the two groups being that the kids of rednecks and trailer trash tend to have multiple last names- where as by the charedim its actually from the same parents- at least as far as we know.

Drunken fathers was another striking similarity, early Saturday morning rural bars are open for business with the men getting drunk far from their aging wives and shoeless children. While at some shull somewhere a bunch of frummies are getting shikur at the Kiddush club or maybe a yertzeit Lchaim at some hashkama minyan- really an opportunity for frummy men to get away from their fat aging wives and their annoying screaming children. It appears that the two groups have many excuses for drinking at random times- away from their families.

Billy Bob and Peggy Sue get yer asses in da trailer right now!!! Nu Chaim Dovid and Chana Bracha how many times did I tell you that wha your doing is assur!!! Ah the land of multiple names is not solely for the frummies.

The hair styles, either you have shaved headed rednecks who love their beards or you have the signatory redneck style of the rat tail. The rat tail is kind of like a trademark as are peyos- though rat tails are harder to play with then peyos- rednecks love em and wear em proud. Chassidim like rednecks also sport shaven heads with unkempt beards- throw in the rat tail and peyos and you have a great similarity.

The charedi outfit is pretty much the same world wide- black pants, white shirt, and a long black coat. Rednecks while wearing many combinations of outfits mostly wear the same thing. Carhart jumpsuits can be seen from a mile away in their brightly colored indestructible orangish yellow. But the traditional redneck outfit is the ripped jeans, yellow work boots and a flannel jacket that doubles as a shirt.

Ever notice in redneck and trashy areas that here are multiple posted-no hunting or trespassing signs. There may also be big hand written signs that say “keep out- beware of dog” not exactly welcoming eh? Well next time you take a walk through the world famous charedi neighborhoods of Israel you may notice the signs proclaiming that women should be covered from head to two in burlap suites or else an angry mob will surround her chant zona and throw old fruit and small stones at her. I think I would rather being accosted by 15 smelly Chassidim then one redneck with a shotgun, but they both don’t seem to welcome you in. Hicks with shotguns versus Chassidim with stones hmm…seeing a trend here.

A few years back I bought a 1986 Ford F-250 off the side of the road off the trashiest dude with a wife beater and a rat tail I have ever seen. I went into his house to exchange the title and noticed that, although his house was a piece of crap, he had some of the nicest electronic equipment I have ever seen. He had klipsch speakers and a huge plasma screen television as well as fancy furniture and all sorts of highly desirable items. I started thinking about how you will go into the crappiest kept chassidish house in some random place. The house has a never mowed lawn, weeds growing out of the driveway, garbage everywhere with kids playing in it, and then you walk inside and immediately see the cabinet filled with the fanciest silver you have ever seen. Every dirt poor charedi family for some reason is able to afford those refrigerators that blend into the cabinets and they always have some fancy leather couch. Crap on the outside nice on the inside- or it may just be to evade the IRS or something.

The truest comparison between rednecks and charedim has got to be when you compare the trailer park to the bungalow colony. Garbage scattered around, empty bottles everywhere waiting to be recycled or being played with by the millions of children. Everyone is related or knows someone who knows someone. The cars are either $50,000 or rusting and falling apart. The grass has been replaced by mud and dirt. Everyone is screaming, clotheslines flutter in the wind; the houses are ramshackle and look like crap. If only charedim lived in bungalows all year round- they could be Jewish trailer park trash.

According to this guy Rednecks and Jewish settlers are alike.