Lubavitchers are the coolest Chasids: Thats why many frum folks hate them

Posted on +00002007-01-27T22:58:35+00:00312007bUTCSat, 27 Jan 2007 22:58:35 +0000 5, 206

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Lets face the facts Lubavitchers are the coolest Chasidim, maybe this is why they are hated so much: My list of the reasons why they rock

They embrace the internet and use it for good, rather then casting it off as evil

Lubavitch girls are the hot

Lubavitch girls don’t dress so frummie

Lubavitch girls have cool hobbies and they are extremely active

Matisyahu can kick Lipa Shmeltzers ass any day

They are the only large Chasidic sect that communicates in English

They don’t speak in yeshivish lingo

They don’t only make brown foods for shabbos

770 is like one big frat party

Free places to stay around the globe

Great kiddushes, not just kichel and herring

The erev shabbos kugel and cholent store in Crown Heights

The girls are aloud to learn gemara

The girls are smart and witty

Fabrengins

Diverse yarmulke styles black, brown, navy and red velvet and cloth as well

The Rebbe had the wickedest thumb dip of all the Rebbe’s

Meshichists are hilarious and bring life to any party

The inner Lubavitcher politics is way cooler then the whole Satmar and Bobov situation

Messianic Jews who would’ve thought

Did I mention that Lubavitch girls are the hottest of them all

The messiest and shlumpiest of men can be rest assured they will get a hot wife

The women don’t have to wear those stupid turbans

They also don’t have to shave their heads

They don’t deny their pasts like many BT’s

Sukkah mobiles can pimp out the worst of cars

Lubavitchers have hobbies and interests other then banning things

They don’t feel the need to ban something every week

Can you pass the Mashka

Chabad houses have good reading material

Campus chabad houses have hot chicks and free food

Making fun of meshichists provides one with hours of entertainment

Turf wars between Aish and Chabad are rather interesting

Lubavitchers let women speak to men and even have mixed seating at events

Lubavitch girls don’t wear bulletproof stockings

Shachris at 11:00 may seem early to some (yes I know all Chasidim rock the late minyanim)

Lubavitchers have not banned post high school education for girls yet

They haven’t banned denim skirts either and they all wear the black leather hooker boots

Jewish geography with Lubbies is hilarious

Calling out Mendy or Mushkie to a crowd of children is awesome

They are all inbred and married to each other

Some of them even use veggies like spinach and collards

They have invented something called a cholent bar

Organized is a bad word

They have human hair sheitles

The men don’t have to rock the long peyos

Lubavitchers that shave their beards off are not automatically discharged as heretics

Non-religious or modern Jews are considered apikorsim

They always have secular magazines and newspapers lying around

All Lubavitch shulls have English translated books

Baal Shemtov stories are rockin’

They don’t force you to take useless books when you give them tzedaka

They don’t send you Chanukah wicks and charoset year after year to try and schnor off of you

Why Lubavitchers annoy me: For some reason this list does not apply to the Capitol district Chabad so much

Can’t you have a damned artscroll or non-tehilat Hashem siddur?

How about some ashkenaz prayer books?

Messianic orthodox Jews?

Pick some different names already

Ok, please talk about some other non-Lubavitcher Rebbe’s

Yo what’s the deal with all the hotties only marrying Lubavitch guys? Not fair

Cholov yisroel, come on

We need some new niggunim

What’s the deal with using the N word all the time? (not the local Albany Lubbies by the way)

I want to marry a Lubavitch girl, hook me up

Why can’t Lubavitchers teach in Bais Yaakovs, so the girls turn out interesting and fun to talk to?

No processed foods on Pesach

Not even Gebrokts jeez

Why can’t they just throw all the Yechi wackos out of 770 already?

What’s the deal with the crushed hat look?

Ok, we know your cool, how about some different clothing colors for the men?

Streimels are way cooler then crushed hats you know

Did I mention that I am jealous of Lubavitchers because all the girls are hot while we misnagdem are stuck wth jappy Bais Yaakov girls and the Stern crowd

How about a new Rebbe eh?

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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