Girls should pay on shidduch dates

Posted on +00002007-01-26T14:38:48+00:00312007bUTCFri, 26 Jan 2007 14:38:48 +0000 5, 206

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So with my ongoing writings on dating I came to the epiphany this morning while braving the 10 below zero wind-chill and waiting for my clutch pedal to unfreeze. Why do guys have to pay for the girl on dates? Yes I have thought about this many times before, but with the ongoing talk of the shidduch crisis and the shortage of girls, one would think that this age old sign of inequality would have been banished already. Wouldn’t you say that forcing a guy to pay for his date is a sign of the pre-women’s voting rights days? It kind of brings me back to when a woman’s only responsibility was to churn the butter, tend to the compost pile and incubate babies every 9 months or so. How did it come to be that men had to pay for women? I understand it dates back to when men were the primary bread winner and women kind of just went on making babies. But nowadays when women have jobs and mostly make what men make, especially in the frum world where many women are more educated and higher earners then men, one may think the women should have to pay.

If the shidduch crisis is so bad that in Baltimore and Queens local Jewish organizations have agreed to pay a shadchun who successfully marries off a girl older then 22 years old a cash bonus. One may think that they would try and do anything to discover why men are not available for dates. Maybe it’s because women expect to be paid for, and this causes many men to limit their dates to only the “best” potential girls. I can speak for myself, if every decent girl that came around expected to be wined and dined, or simply taken bowling I wouldn’t even think twice, I would simply reject all the semi-good girls until one of perfection came around.

I would think going Dutch or simply choosing dating venues that are free would be talked about in the frum singles scenes. Now of course the comments are going to be of the “but that’s how we do it” genre like they always are whenever I bring up something against the frum communities social fabric, but I think the cost of dating is very prohibitive. Especially if the girl makes way more then the man. My date on Monday night definitely made much more then I make. I make about $15,000 a year yeh it’s livable but she according to my calculations made at least 3 or even 4 times that much, shouldn’t she do it ethically and say, listen I understand you are piss ass broke and cant afford to pay for me so I will treat or pay for myself. And it shouldn’t be one of those half ass awkward wallet withdraws which is the way of seeing if the guy is going to have the gall to let the women pay. I actually did take a girl bowling in the five towns a few weeks back and it was $30 for two games- yes absurd- so she bought me dinner- that is how it should be eh.    

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