Shidduch Crisis Rant

Posted on +00002006-12-31T13:07:55+00:00312006bUTCSun, 31 Dec 2006 13:07:55 +0000 5, 206

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So the shidduch crisis or shall I say the “accumulating older frum singles” crisis is upon us at least thats what everyone keeps saying. Yet I still do not notice many things changing which should change. I still notice that every week the Jewish Press devotes the same 2 pages to the shidduch scene or crisis; if it was such a big deal one may think it would deserve the utmost attention. You would think that an Esther Jungriess article and the back page articles would have been expanded by now, yet they are the same size that they have always been. Was there always a shidduch crisis? Maybe there was and people were too busy with burning their Indian hair sheitles and buying water filters to bother with the growing amounts of folks who are over the age of say 30 and single. If we go by what most people think is old in the frum dating world I guess we have to push the age down to 24 in which case the frum community is royally screwed.

A few things which I think could be changed to usher in more shidduchim. One of which is the classic example of which I was exposed to in shull this shabbos. I was the only person who appeared to be over the age of 20 without a talis on. This is obvious and still no one came up to me and proclaimed in the name of the shidduch crisis that they wanted to know a little about me or if I was dating etcetera. Actually no one even came up to me to introduce themselves or invite me out to their house at all. I guess from living in a smaller community I expect folks to be friendly especially when they know that you aren’t a regular at their shull. One would think that each of the folks in the shull and there a number of young married folks would know a number of single girls waiting for their match, yet no one could even think of the possibility of approaching the lone single guy in the shull.

It amazes me that there is even a shidduch crisis when such blatant thins like these go overlooked. Even at weddings the prime time for matches, since you can see the product before you buy in. You may not be able to hop in a take a test drive, but at least you both the girls and guys and go window shopping for potential matches. Yes its shallow but first impressions are preached about all day long, yet I rarely see matches or introductions being made at weddings. And don’t give me this crap about how folks are uncomfortable at frum weddings and that’s not how things a are done. Well excuse me but I think your attitudes are going to have be more liberal unless you want your daughter to be another 30 year old girl living on the upper Westside and hanging out every week in the same two shulls Oz and the Jewish Center.

I do see people attempting shidduchim at weddings but usually it is the oldest or hottest guy, it is not the masses. It is not the general, oh are single, what are you looking for? Nope us single folks must roam aimlessly through frumster looking at photo-shopped pictures and the same lame ass profiles searching for someone that could be sitting behind the mechitza at shull yet you would never know because people just don’t do things that way.

Then I look at sites like end the madness that preach the same stuff that I am saying here, yet they still have these same old singles events that I was forced to go to with my father when I was ten years old. Oh round robin seating exciting, oh and a lecture by Dr. so and so about finding your match. Give me a %&$#ing break. Lectures and seminars and round robin seating belong in Kutchers for the 50+ crowd not a bunch of folks who are 25 and want to do something cool. Things like the Jewish Outdoors Club are great examples of fun stuff to do with other singles. I personally don’t go because of cost, another thing which bus the hell out of me. These singles events all cost money, I don’t have $36 to spend on some round robin seating lecture about why we are all still single. Whatever happened to the good old free event- like speed dating or something? There must be tons of volunteers out there who want to usher out this singles crisis.

For some folks its simply the separating of the sexes that causes such anguish, like the separate seating at weddings which hopefully someone will realize is not halachic, people will start becoming more liberal about other events. Shalom Zachors, Brisim, bar and bat mirzvahs. Tons of Jewish events that have tons of singles yet not many introductions. Chabbad and Hillel do it right, have events that help people, like visiting the old and helping on community mailings that are coed. Shulls could easily et a bunch of single people to help set up for dinners or help with mailings for free, just give them some free food and promise each gender that members of the opposite sex will be there.

Ok I am rambling all because no one could come up to me in shull and say; hey I noticed that you were single. Are you dating? So simple yet so impossible due to people’s lack of confidence, or taboos or just plain old ignorance.

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