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So I am talking to my buddy about how our fasts are going and he tells me that its his best fast ever. Why might that be I ask? Well my buddy is a caffeine addict and he will inevitably ruin his fast without a high dosage of caffeine. This is normally covered by in the car thermoses filled with piping hot black stuff.
“So guess what I did about my caffeine problem?”
You injected yourself with some high potent form of the stuff?
“No”
You took some crazy hallucinative drugs to keep you high like Timothy Leary?
“Closer”
You used an insulin machine to regularly deposit some sort of non food like caffeine into your system at regular intervals?
Oh oh…I know, you wore a patch?
“To this he says, no man I shoved a caffeine seppository up my butt.”
Dude that is nasty was my first reaction and then, dont you need some sort of plunger to get it where it needs to go. I mean fingers can only reach so far.
“Well actually I originally thought I could put it between my cheeks. In fact when I walked into the store yesterday, the guy behind the counter seeing my yarmulke and look upon my face, smiled and knew exactly what had come for.”
Dude that is the grossest thing since that one scene from Brokeback Mountain that I had to duck behind my seat for. Indeed the mere thought of anything going in and not out is too hard for me to understand. I called up my doctor friend to ask him about the mechanics of this and he said that like a Listerine Strip on your tongue a seppository gets absorbed into the lining of the rectum.
Ewwwww is what I have to say, along with, people have got to try and not become dependent on anything like caffeine or you may have to resort to similar tactics.
Filed under: Holidays
You know, I think that’s cheating. Caffeine pills, pre-fast pills, as well as smoking during the fast. It’s not prohibited of course, but the point of fasting is the suffering, isn’t it?
Many fundamentalists Jews in Israel pull tricks like that.
Non of my Moslem friends and coworkers do during Ramadan, and they have to work, too, not just sit and pray.
http://health.howstuffworks.com/define-ergotamine-and-caffeine-combination.htm
heres how its done
I sure as hell suffered today. I had to go to work at 4 in the morning which meant I didn’t get tp sleep late through half the fast and then I proceeded to drive 2 hours to work 6 hours and 2 hours back. I suffered hardcore.
Suffering is relative, for some not eating is great. To me I start having fantasies involving ben and jerrys and pepridge farm at about this time.
Sitting in shull during eichah is suffering as well for me.
Starving: I don’t think its worth the side effects.
Side Effects
Minor: Diarrhea, dizziness, headache, nausea, nervousness or jitters, sensation of cold hands and feet with MILD numbness or tingling, or vomiting. These side effects should disappear as your body gets accustomed to the medication.
Major: Tell your doctor about any side effects that are persistent or particularly bothersome. IT IS ESPECIALLY IMPORTANT TO TELL YOUR DOCTOR about chest pain; coldness, numbness, pain, tingling, or dark discoloration of the fingers or toes; confusion; fluid retention; itching; localized swelling; muscle pain; severe abdominal pain and swelling; severe nausea or vomiting; or unusual weakness.
you’ve just listed the regular side effects of caffeine.
Oh man, my sister uses those pills for fasts but couldnt find them in the house anywhere!! Instead she lied in her bed looking dead! Shes a caffeine freakazoid!
And dude-you went to work today!? Oh man, bummer!
mmmm caffeeinnneeee noooowwww
What if you go into meat withdrawal during the 9 days? Does a “beef injection” help???
What about the fact that unless you are used to putting things up your butt- IE you are Gay or seriously disturbed, you would suffer a lot just go through with the whole process.
Maybe its ok since pills up butts is considering suffering for most.
Working on a fast day is the best thing to do. It keeps your mind busy and helps the day move quicker.
Unless you are a chef or something like that.
I find the fact that people take off of work interesting- you would find that working is in fact harder then not especially during a fast day. I worked and then sat in my hotel room and watched TV the rest of the day.
I dont get why you would want caffeine.
Sleeping through a fast is the best thing. Why would you want to be awake?
I go to work on all the other fasts and I go crazy. I get very weak and dizzy if I’m “up” and working. Plus I hold that you are not allowed to work on Tisha Ba’av so I dont have a choice!
yay!!!!!! the fast is over!!!! food yummy!!!!
So, there’s a heter for eating through your ass?
I guess were like sea anenomes: their mouth and anus is in the same place.
But, if it’s that close to coming out, why put that in you anyway?
nickname:
“smoking during the fast. It’s not prohibited of course ”
i think this is a makhloket and even those permit it only do so in private after hatzot.
(and i’m sure you’ve all heard this one: on shabbat jews smoke in the bathroom; on tish’ah be-av we eat in the bathroom; on yom kippur we eat and smoke in the bathroom.
frum hiker:
suppositories are very good for children and elderly who can’t swallow (instead of injections or iv). depending on the medication, they may also be better for all patients than oral formulations, which undergo first-pass metabolism (i.e., some drugs are extensively metabolized and inactivated by the liver, which is avoided with suppositories).
note that you don’t have to stick the suppository so far up. the rectal area has an excellent blood supply. with a suppository the medication is suspended in congealed wax (i’ve had to make them in school), which melts almost right away as soon as inserted. then the medication is absorbed across the rectal lining and into the circulation.
the problem is that the bioavailability of rectal administration of most most drugs has not been studied and suppositories must thus be administered with caution.
some people also take suppositories of advil (not commercially available) or tylenol to help them thru the fast if they get heacaches.
“I find the fact that people take off of work interesting- you would find that working is in fact harder”
no. makes it much easier b/c it takes your mind off of the fast. (unless you are the above the mentioned cook or have a job that is physically demanding.)
Yochanan, there is a certain South Park episode that explores this possibility. It is without a doubt the most disgusting episode of anything that I have ever seen.
You have obviously never seen Brokeback Mountain or the most disturbing movie of all- happiness.
happiness is by far the most disturbing movie I ever saw…
Mookie you are one of the first to have ever heard of it, go see his other movie “welcome to the dollhouse” quite disturbing as well.
This was the first fast i worked through and it was my best fast ever…I went in around chatzot…I barely noticed it at all…I was light headed a bit in late afternoon then it past- I worked till 8:00 and got home right as the fast was finishing…I wasnt even hungry by then
I was also my worst fast in terms of “the spirit of the day” so i guess its a toss up…Im just happy I didnt watch any TV or movies…
B”H He must be pretty hooked. Most of us just wean ourselves off a day or two before a fast.
Regarding the “Brokeback Mountain” scene, I guess your not as open-minded as I thought. I already knew you were not “open-tuchesed,” though.
I am a caffeine addict, and I”ll admit it to anyone.
I had a terrible fast and I swear, I almost passed out.
I wasn’t particulary hungry, I just needed a good dose of coffee. I would have eaten coffee grinds.
Hell, I would go as far as to inject caffeine directly in my body.
Before yom kippur, I go through my own rehabilitation and slowly get off the drug of caffiene….
This fast, I suffered AND I was at work!
So duddes would you go as so far to shove a pill up your ass.
first of all the requiem for a dream is the most disturbing movies
second the best way to float urself through a fast is XBOX that is unless u east coast jews are too good for XBOX
third of all y didnt that fudgepacker just snort that pill? like a steve O wannabe
You know I’ll have to ask him that since I am sure he has snorted other pill type stuff in his day.
East coasters are too intellectual for x-box.
i’m addicted to caffeine through coke… i must drink about 2 litres a day at least… mostly so i can stay awake cos i start so damn early in the morning but wow wen i stop drinking it for a few days i get a BLISTERING headache!! thankfully, i drink so much usually that it holds over for most of the next day so i only start suffering at the end of fast… but supositories? ew!
“So I am talking to my buddy about how our fasts are going ”
And then he tells you that he’s
shtupin him self in the tuches with ass coffee.
Heshy ! your buddy ? are you mishigeh ? next week the shabbos table loshon horah will be that you moved to broke back mountin with him.
“my friends friend”
“the guy who was eating ear wax”
“I read it on craigs list”
or
“some fictional lubavitch blogger”
Back to his ass…..
Why the hell would he shove his morning coffee
up his ass ? couldn’t he have ate a 12 pack of
No Doze ? found some kid with ADHD to share Ritalin with ? snorted bleech ? or coffe ?
Why would someone shove a little hard thing up there ass when they know that there gonna be sitting on a hard floor and there ass is gonna hurt even if they dont shove coffee in it ?
Oh well it could have been much worse, he could have shoved a bagel stuffed with heimishe egg salad and a sour pickle up his ass in case he got hungry, and then what if he got gas chasveshulem ?
Or maybe its hashgocha protis that he fucked his ass with coffee substitute, Folgers might hear about him and launch a worldwide marketing campaign geared towards the anorexic weak and tired people and “your buddy” will be filthy rich because of his ass.
“THE BEST PART OF WAKIN UP IS FOLGERS IN YOUR BUTT”
Personally, I think it’s sad how dependant people get on caffeine. Its kind of like a drug, if you think about it. Someone who’s willing to get a shot of caffeine up his butt sounds like someone who might get hooked on drugs and do crazy things to get them. Not that shooting coffee up your butt isn’t crazy enough….
I’m contacting Folgers on behalf of Buddys Butt.
I remember one yom kippur when I was 13 or 14 I had a bad headache so I took a pain killer suppository, Its nasty but once you get it far ebough your lower body just swallows up exactly like your esophagus. Its really kool in a really crude way. BTW I’m 18 and I havent used one since.
Leah Kleim thank you for that rather funny advertisement for folgers.
Disgusted: that sounds gross, but I guess you gotta do what you gotta do.
I’m Emailing it to folgers, maybe that will make the satmar cmmunity happy and they will stop calling me about the disgrace I am to the FRUM people, or maybe folgers will team up with Satmar and the Lubavitcher “Shluchim” and finally put me in blog cherem.
I HAVE A DREAM !
i sleep the entire day of any fast day i want to keep because if i don’t alot of times my ibs goes haywire and i have to eat something-there is no halachic basis 4 being in crippling pain on fast days except for yom kippur where the fast is mdoraissa and is supposed to cause pain-fast days suck but are definitely spiritual and i try very hard to keep them
What kind of spirit can one get from sleeping through the whole thing.
frum hiker, the spirit of yiddishkeit is that god does not expect you to do more than that which you are physically able. it is i would say at least two to three times as hard for me to fast as other people, and i am in alot of pain for days afterwards. i do not sleep the entire day, but i am unable to get out of bed. i read and watch things that are spiritually oriented, and i always feel a sense of accomplishment when i finish the fast. if i wanted to, i could probably get a hetter to eat, but this is not what i want.
I used to work in healthcare and honestly, popping a suppository up there is no problem at all. A little lube and it just slips right in – you hardly notice it.
The French especially are very keen on suppositories as a way of taking medication. For headaches etc, it is a common preference.
LMAAASSSO I cannot believe such things ever crossed my mid. Wow. People do that lool. Hmm each to their own ways..i’m not a jew but I have fasted alot while working bu after reading this I realise how thankful I should be that im no caffeine addict..less hassle. Rofl at the comment made by Frum in response to common sense sleeping the day..haha..aww u guys r so funny.
you aren’t allowed to smoke during a fast unless its for health reasons (according to Ha’rav Guxenflaj g’oan Hamafira who I had a shiur under)