Is weed kosher for pesach?

Hat tip to Married in Brooklyn for finding this article concerning that marijuana is kitnyot- shocking to me- but even more shocking to my friends who like to get stoned at the seder and eat their bitter herbs with a big smirk on their faces. Thank God mushrooms are not kitnyot for what are strictly frum pot-heads to do? Well they can put those nasty tasting shrooms ino their charoset or pretend maybe throw back some Viki’s or Perc while everyone is applauding the 3 language ma nishtana that some little brat just took 45 minutes to say.

I myself prefer the cool stories of yitzyas mitzrayim and imagining being able to reach out and grab pints of ben and jerrys from the walls of water as I according to the midrash made a u-turn to evade the Egyptians. I also laugh with delight as the scientists every year try to come up with some sort of way to explain the inexplicable splitting of the sea. I just love looking at those wiry little graying, glasses wearing, PhD types explain how the prevailing winds were double that of Mt Washington, or maybe a cyclone or tsunami that could have split the sea and made pints of ben and jerrys appear out of nowhere.

Yes well tell me dear atheist- how do you explain the grilled salmon that was given to me by the wall of water followed by a 20oz bottle of iced mountain dew? Exactly it is quite inexplicable don’t you think? And yet they will try and explain it with maybe the sponsorship factor- possible that Ben and Jerrys and Mt-Dew- had crporate sponsorship of the whole event- so that when the movie Ten Commandments would eventually be made- they could be sole owners of product placement rights within the smash hit.

Or maybe when the whole event would be reinacted and thrown onto pay-per-view- they would also be allowed to have first dibs on advertising. Like Moses will drink Mt Dew, after he walked across the sea and yell “dude that was so extreme” and then when the Jews complain of not having any meat. They will give them the dense and thick concoction- that resembles meat and the Jews will be fooled by the endless supply of New York Super Fudge Chunk as they travel in the cloud. When the time comes Ben and Jerrys will put up ads on the outside of the mishkan so it can compete with the mystery food known simply as “mun” which is actually a precursor to Tofu.

It really tastes like nothing- but if you take the poor single college guy way out and ad whatever sauces may be congealing under some old beer cans- it actually tastes like whatever you want. So to with the “mun” it tasted like whatever they wanted- in this case the delicacy of the day was sand and dirt- depending on where it fell. Sometimes they may have been fortunate to taste the fine tastes of tent residue- but usually it decided to fall way away from the tenting area- so they could not enjoy the subtle plasticy aromas as they peeled their breakfast pancakes from the tent- which would also act as a natural alarm clock.

Why is this night different from all other nights?
Well if your a stoner, it means that the only bitter herbs you’ll be having will make your eyes water and your nose run.