It used to be that online dating was taboo for frummies every where, until our good friend Frumster came along- offering a convenient place for frummies everywhere though mostly in Brooklyn and Monsey, to describe themselves how they wanted to be seen and not have to deal with nosy prying shadchunim. To the dismay of yiddishe mamalas everywhere- the masses have flocked to frumster and have left a gapping hole for these bubbies whos sole purpose in life was to make mazto balls and set up their granddaughters.
Frumster was supposed to be a way to think out of the box to let frum people say that they were "frum but with it- seeks young israel type that wears size 6 velvet yarmulke, but goes to movies"
Before long of course frumster turned into just another venue for uninteresting singles to portray how pathetic they really were. Yes first came the catogories of religiosity. What is the difference between Orthodox and Shomer Mitzvot? It beats the heck out of me. Or what if you find that girl thats all frum and all and suddenly you notice that her profile states partial head covering. All of the sudden your dreams are up in smoke because her bangs have not receded behind her $3,000 fall.
Frumster has provided a venue for judgementalisms before we can even be judged. Yep before you even get to what a person is actually like you notice the horrifying Body Type: avergae- this is the worst one because you never know what your gonna get- "my mamma used to say life is like a frumster chick you never know what your gonna get" (must be said in forest gump voice)
What exactly does Frum but with it mean? does it mean you are frum but on the inside you are a williamsburg hipster, or are you some vegan, anti conformist, lesbian under your bais yaakov uniform. Or maybe you are really some frummy who is really interested in other things such as ante bellum houses, Andy Warhol, and 80s hair bands, but cant say so to any of your freinds because you will be cast off only simchas, and thrown out of your sternberg reunion party at the glatt wok.
Hobbies- is shopping, hanging out with freinds, and netflix considered a list of hobbies. Or how about going to shull, eating kishke, and watching yeshiva boys in woodburne a hobby. Yes they are indeed- but if your trying to get married and meet someone different why not write something unique.
How about the high I describe myself section: My freinds think I am attractive, smart, funny, inteligent, kind, etc.. Are you going to write my freinds think I am ugly, fat, dumb, and extremely mean. No I did not think so…why dont you write unique things like passionate, excited about life, artsy, talented, etc…
Oh and my fave if is the I would like to meet section- I want a smart, attractive, tall, learned, rich caring man… Yes we all know what you want now write something to set you apart from all the rest of the Jewish bozos out there.
Filed under: Shidduch rantings
never a truer word said
Instead of criticizing it, why don’t you suggest other meaningful ways for men and women to meet? You sound just like a yenta.
I do in fact suggest many other ways including through the blogsphere- I also have written many posts that are extremely pro-frumster- I love their site and think its the best one out there. Instead of criticizing me why don’t you read some of my other posts.
I personally do not believe that a Frumster profile has to be “interesting” in order for me to consider it. The profile is strictly there to tell you (what should be) hard, honest facts about things like height, build, looks, occupation, observance of specific mitzvos and interest in Aliyah. Any moron can write something “interesting” about themselves (if they have to get a friend to do it for them), and I have seen great guys with unfortunately boring profiles. The thing is, profiles aren’t good for anything that goes deeper than the skin. If you can handle the hard facts, give the girl a shot. Don’t expect her to be “interesting” before you have met her.
I find a few problems with what you said. First of all MOST frum Jews are boring and could not find anything interesting to put even if they had that friend do it- their idea of interesting is hanging out with friends and shopping- I may be a hobby snob- but thats who I am. Someones interests DO tell a lot about them. For instance someone who is interested in Bird Watching tends to be a patient type- while someone who enjoys skydiving tends to be more adventurous.
Furthermore- if they are as you say “great people” but not capable of writing something interesting- I would have emailed hundreds if not thousands of people I have met. I would have told the shadchun plain old stuff instead of differentiating myself from the flock. BUT you know what I WANT someone whom I can relate to- and it happens to be that my lifestyle and religiosity level revolve around the wilderness.
If everyone is the same- we lose individuality and with that we screw the whole shidduch process- what is there to judge on if not for lifestyle choices and interests.
No one is putting that they HATE chesed and dont give a crap about anyone in their profiles. Everyone says they are a mentch and learned etc… so might as well use something like interests to judge- and interests ar not skin deep. In my line of work I HAVE TO use whatever I can get to judge someone.
Agreed yo. Its not like we interesting folk play the “lets see how interesting we can make ourselves seem” game, more that we ARE more interesting, so that naturally gets reflected in our profiles. OK, some people really try to make themselves stand out. But its a double edged sword. Some people like interesting. And some people think I’m a weirdo.
There was once a guy (if you are reading this, PLEASE don’t be offended, you weren’t horrible, you just weren’t – how shall I put this? You weren’t weird enough for me.) who thought I was fascinating, which I am, B”H, but he sounded like your typical frum jewish guy. I could have (metaphorically) grabbed any dude off the street corner in Brooklyn, and it might as well have been him. Except, no, wait, he was a librarian. And he was passionate about – library science. And LIBRARIES excited him. That was IT.
Don’t get me wrong, I like libraries as much as the next person. But if I ask for a glimpse into someones personality, and all they have to show me is the library, I’ve got one just a few blocks from my house, and anyway, if you try to talk there, you just get shushed. So I might as well go alone.
It seems that a lot of people will go and make their profile just as generic as can be. The more vague they are, the more interest they generate, because they have wider appeal. Someone who’s username is Nice Jewish Girl will get lots of hits. And probably lots of dates. (Especially if its Nice Pretty Jewish Girl.) But if she would be clear about who/what she was looking for to begin with, she could weed out over 90% of the people that were’nt going to get anywhere with her anyway.
I hear boring guys make good husbands. But I can’t imagine spending the next 94.__? years with someone I can’t make conversation with. If the conversation is like pulling teeth, and we don’t share any interests…what’s the line from Fiddler on the Roof? A bird may love a fish, but where would they build a home? Or something like that, anyway.
Great comment- very appreciated.