Group wants colored shirts banned: says they may be considered beged isha

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For some time it has been known that anyone caught wearing a colored shirt in religious communities around the world was likely to be ostracized by the community. Shidduchim, schooling, seminary, even real estate value can all be affected by shirt color. In many communities children as young as 5 have been kicked out of school for having color on their shirts. Shidduchim and marriages have been broken because of old pictures of parents or family wearing colored shirts. A group calling themselves Beged Isha Brigade has begun distributing leaflets containing all of the laws broken when a man wears a colored shirt.

Shragga Feivel Frummervitz the leader of the group has told us that “Rabbis have not exerted enough control over the men in the community when it comes to modesty. Women have been put in their place with laws against wearing red, denim, swinging their arms or leaving their house at night – but men have been free from any such laws and they have become lax in their service to God. We have seen men wearing colored shirts and even polo shirts during the week – thank God we have not degenerated into Sodom like sinning and no one has begun to wear these disgusting colors on shabbos kodesh, but we believe its headed that way.”

These masters of modesty as the Beged Isha Briagde like to call themselves have cited many sources proving that colored shirts are for women only, thereby making them assur for men to wear. Even on Lag Baomer, a traditional time for frum men to become lax in dress in to prepare for the one day sanctioned exercise a year, wearing color is assur. The only day in which the white shirts can be changed for women’s clothing is Purim, in which men and women are allowed to dress differently, then their maker had decided.

Just look at the Modern Orthodox, as they call themselves – Shragga Feivel says in disgust, they have degenerated so low, first it was Israel and low mechitzas and now they are practically cross dressing. If there was a bais din, we would seek the death penalty for such behavior.

Although there have been murmurs of opposing sides, the Shadchanim agree with this White Shirt Posse and have made it very clear that those who publicly oppose the Beged Isha Brigade will not get shidduchim for their children.

Rabbi Yehoshua Freedman who publicly opposes the group doesn’t seem too happy, he told us that people have been controlled by the lack of good shidduchim for years and this will only make things worse.

When we tried to ask the Rav what exactly a good shidduch was, he said he couldn’t actually say. He mumbled something about midos and family, and then turned his attention to the pile of burning blue shirts and protestors.

Shidduch dating can be very awkward

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One of the things I like about shidduch dating the most, is the awkwardness. Unlike most normal people, I kind of like those awkward silences when the only sound that can be heard is the crunching of ice or shaking of feet, those times when you say or your date something and you just don’t know how to respond. I also enjoy the first few moments when you pick them up and you are both trying to give each other the once over (checking out) but cant due to your positions in the car or train. .

Awkward Shidduch moments:

Initial Phone Call: In the yeshivish world the phone call lasts about 10 minutes and is a courtesy and logistics call. In my world the phone call can last up to 3 hours and can seem like a date. The problem with long phone calls, is that you build up this picture in your head and the long phone calls are always with girls who you end up being very unattractive.

Every time I make the first phone call, I hope for an answering machine, then they have to call me – cant explain that feeling but it’s a good one. Either way, I used to get very nervous during the first few minutes, no idea why, just did. One day that nervousness ended, but its been replaced by awkwardness, of the bad kind – because you don’t get to watch them in their moment.

The pickup: I pick up most of my dates with my car, do I go up to the door? Do I wait in the car, near the car, outside the car? There are so many thoughts, a lot of girls have been convinced that they should be embarrassed to be on a date, so they don’t want you actually knocking on their door – that’s a red flag for me by the way, it shows a lack of confidence in my mind, and its funny because the coolest girls I’ve gone on dates with have always told me to knock on their doors. I cant seem to understand the logic when it comes to their friends, let the friends speculate and do what they do.

I have also been told to wait in the car, as if I was the getaway car, which makes things even worse because you cant really check them out – a sitting down girl is no use to me, that’s why I hate those Facebook pictures with the girl sitting down in some pizza shop – they leave to much hidden.

Do I open the car door: The debate has lasted years and I always bring it up when the discussion turns to shidduch dating, but I always find it awkward to open the car door for the girl. Granted it gives her time to check you out as you run around the car, it also gives her time to check out my cracked windshield, terrible smell of bike clothing and stacks of clothing, energy bars and maps shoved into the seats behind her to give her a space – but it could be so awkward when you are leaving the car. Walking her to the car and opening the door is cool – but when you get out, do you tell her to wait, because no girl I have ever dated expected me to open the door and I could tell by their shocked looks when I did.

Fact is I always bring it up on the date itself, while its happening, I say I feel so stupid opening up car doors, and they always say its nice but not expected.

So…: I’m not one for awkward silences, but the opening conversation can sometimes be rough. I am a good opener, but if the girl is one of those dead fish one answer types I automatically start thinking about ways to shorten the date.

Lets say you take a cab: I have never taken a date into a cab, come to think of it, I haven’t actually gotten into my own cab in 15 years or so due to the high price of merely sitting on the pleather without even going anywhere, but some people do take dates into cabs and I always wondered about the awkwardness of the whole situation.

I have come in contact with many daters, who wont take a train on a date because they say its not proper, these are also the same people who rent cars, only park in parking lots (because they think looking for a spot will unnerve the girl – and they have to make more conversation and prove their parking skills all at once) and take the Battery Tunnel (Its supposedly faster but $5 more) all because that’s the “proper” thing to do on a date – hence, those two drinks cost much more than just two drinks – back to the cab ride…

If you don’t keep negiah, that’s one thing, but if you do keep negiah – that’s when the awkwardness begins. Anyone that has ever taken a cab in New York City knows that sitting in the front is generally not an option – besides, if you sit in the front and your date is in the back, that looks pretty weird doesn’t it?

So you two shomer negiah daters are in the back and suddenly you hit a sharp turn or the cabi curses at the pothole he just had to swerve to avoid and you find yourself sliding quickly across the cracked pleather in the direction of your date, what’s a yeshiva bochur to do?

Can you grab the suicide handles before you slide into your date, creating an awfully awkward situation? Or do you just let gravity take control?

Has anyone ever experienced this?

When and how to end the date: Shidduch protocol says that dates need to be at least 3 hours long, but this was before modern orthodox folks started shidduch dating. Judging by the length of shabbos davening you think the modern folks like long dates, but that’s not always the case. I like long dates when it’s a good date, and I can tell within about 5 minutes of meeting them if its going to be a good date. One time I picked up a girl in Passaic and did the thing that most Shidduch daters will never do – I took her to a restaurant in her hometown – I just couldn’t tell her right there that she wasn’t for me. I wanted to so badly.

You can use the classic I have to go in order to end the date, or you can say boy its getting pretty late – whatever you may do its always awkward. I was on a date once with “spit girl” I call her that because she asked me if we could have a spitting contest off of a bridge in central park (kind of like that scene in Titanic – but this girl could hock bigger loogies than I ever could – guess that’s what Harvard Law does to you) and this girl at an 1.5 hours in the middle of a scrabble game called it quits, and just ended the date – she also walked off on her own and said that’s how she does things, I never heard back from her thank God.

Bathroom Breaks on a date: One of the girls I went out with once – who may be reading this – told me she was quite offended when I told her I was going to go pee behind a dumpster. In my mind I rejected her right there, the next time I really needed to pee on a date, I asked the girl politely and she told me that it was nice to ask her but that she thought it was disgusting. These two girls were obviously not for me, because I like girls that prefer to pee outside and can do it anywhere at anytime. But what happens if they need to go?

My buddy was on a date once and the girl kept farting, the windows were open so she assumed he had no idea, when they got to where they were going she immediately excused herself for upwards of half an hour. Now that’s awkward, whats a girl going to say after a power dump on a date? What if it were one of those bathrooms that didn’t have a lock and he walked in on her when he needed to go? Just trying to paint embarrassing but funny situation. Of course what happens if its you that ate a predate takeout Chinese meal? The real question is whether or not to tell your date you may be awhile.

Paying: There was only one time I contested a bill on a date, most people don’t feel comfortable enough with themselves to do this and suck it up, but I thought they must have had something wrong when I was charged over $40 for a couple of games of bowling in the Five Towns, the girl saw my eyeballs bulging and told me she would pay for dinner – I accepted.

My good buddy went out the other night to walk on the highline in NYC with his date, then they went for drinks at the Carlyle Hotel, when he got the bill he tried to maintain composure, he’s the type of guy who takes cabs rather than trains on dates – the bill for 2 martinis was a whopping $84 – I was exasperated myself – he told me the drinks were $18 but, he didn’t realize it was $20 per person just to sit down – $10 if you sat on a stool – they obviously aren’t counting on the shidduch crowd. He has been calling the hotel complaining ever since, but on the date he acted cool and casual – I wouldn’t have.

I have spoken before about the half wallet pull, this is when the girl makes a gesture of paying but has no intention to pay. I wish I were in the dating scene, because I would test these girls to see if they would really pay. We do all the work, we pick them up, open doors, and chose a place – the least they could do is pay. I have let quite a few girls pay for me – some of them thought it was confidence and I told them it was really because I just don’t like buying things for people I don’t know, I love taking my friends out for dinner – but some random girl, uh uh. Most girls offer to pay, or make some sort of non-committal offer, such as the half wallet pull, the raising of the purse and the “oh let me get it” but its all fake – they want the free stuff and will be shocked if you let them pay.

Looking at the bill can be awkward too, what if they over charged you? What if you don’t have enough money? What if your just shocked like my friend was, she is studying your moves you know?

Rejection: I was sitting in a Chinese restaurant with a girl who I didn’t intend to see again, instead of waiting until I dropped her off she decided to ask me if we would be going out again. She was a tough girl, and she was obviously very into me – I said no and she asked why. I did what no man should ever do – I told her the truth – and it was because I wasn’t into her looks. Talk about awkward, her first question was “Is it because I’m fat” she wasn’t fat, a little chunky sure, but I had just taken her on a 15 mile hike and she survived just fine – it was that I just wasn’t attracted her, at all. I have been into girls that most of the you would have found ugly, but its all in the eye of the beholder.

I have a problem rejecting girls, I just cant seem to do it. There have been countless girls that I couldn’t bear to call and reject so I did the dumbest thing and just left them hanging – I feel particularly bad about one of them. I went out with her 3 times, before me she had never been out with a guy more than once, I felt honored to be that guy, but after our third date I moved to Dallas and never saw her again – I never called either, but luckily I hear she got engaged.

One time I rejected a girl over the phone before ever meeting her, I didn’t say I was but she asked when we were going to go out and I told her, I didn’t think she was for me. She demanded how I could know and I told her she seemed very serious. She seemed like the type to settle down on her parents block and make babies for the rest of her life and that didn’t suit me well, we argued about it, but I didn’t budge. That was easy – but after the date is tough.

One time a shadchan convinced me to go out with a girl again even though I didn’t want to. She demanded to know why I was asking her out again because it was obvious I didn’t want to – I told her the shadchan did the classic” she might be your bashert” which I hate.

Republican Jews and Obama – stand up

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Different ways to respond to people talking during shul

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How can one respond to non-stop shul talking? Is there really any way to stop it, or will it go on through all the pauses and bimah clops forever. Here is a list of the different ways that shuls have tried to stop the talkers.

The traditional bimah clop – doesn’t work too well because its used for everything from morid hatal to a signal to start singing mazel tov, I wonder if the clop makes people stop talking and start inserting random prayers into the davening?

Nuuuuuuuu!!!! – this is usually done by one really irritated member of the shul who just cant take it anymore, lets just thank the Lord that the folks in Texas are laid back because they are all gun nuts.

The davening or laining pause – is this even allowed, I never understood how the chazzan could just stop laining or chazaras hashas to hint to the talkers that it was getting bad. Its usually the rabbi who signals with an angry hand gesture to stop and start. Immediately after the chazzan starts up again the talking begins.

The Good Samaritan – this is the guy who walks up to the talkers and humbly says something like, listen guys why don’t you just take it outside? This guy is always ignored, I feel like they want to tell him to just daven and leave them alone but they don’t, they just ignore him.

The mussar guy – this is classic in a yeshiva setting or frummy shul, this is the person that uses the power of halacha against the talkers. Things like the mishna brura says its better not to come to shul then talk during shul or random mussardicke things like you are going to rot in hell for eternity if talk in shul and that sort of thing. I feel like this is similar to telling someone not to push the red button.

The Rabbi – in very extreme cases the rabbi will actually intervene to shut the talkers up, although it’s usually done from his seat with a look of death or one of those stopping the baal koreh moves.

The contract – in the five towns there is a shul that made everyone sign contracts that they wouldn’t talk in shul, a little extreme but I guess it was a big problem.

The stare – usually done by the Rabbi as well to signal that he is getting pissed.

The kiddush club – many people don’t know this but the kiddush club helps foster sanctity in shul, at least until the revelers get back sloshed from single malt and smelling like matzchas herring.

The different types of people who talk during shul

I admit it, I talk in shul once in a while, but I am not one of those loud rambunctious talkers who feel they have to let the world know about their wife Devora burning the challah or how they got screwed in the market that week, I am not one of those. I usually have a running commentary wherever I go especially shul, but I know how to talk during shul without disturbing, I have manners and I understand the sanctity of the shul, sort of.

What kind of shul talker are you?

I own this shul:
These guys act like they own the place, upon walking into shul fashionably late, maybe around nishmas on shabbos morning, they shake people’s hands and have small conversations with them, even the folks who motion that they are davening are forced to listen to these shul owners updates of the week. I own this shul talkers are the guys that everyone pretends to be all chummy with, but when alone munching on kichel they love to spew about how much they are irked by them. The rabbi tries relentlessly to knock some sense into these guys to no avail.

Hold on someone is looking at us:
I find that many shul talkers fit into this category; they will talk loudly until they get the stare from the Rabbi or someone across the aisle who is actually in shul to daven. This category of talkers is also of the variety that will stop the conversation when the baal koreh stops laining as a sign of disgust, and as soon as the guy starts up laining, guess who is talking again. These talkers tend to be sitting down during conversations unlike the “I own this shul talker” which does his talking while standing because he has to work the crowd.

Lean on me:
These guys tend to lean over and put their arm around your back and rest it on the bench, it’s a more intimate way of talking and is usually done by people who have secrets to tell or are talking about someone else near by. These shul talker types tend to nod their heads and smile a lot, most likely a cause of the juicy in-shul loshon horah fest taking place.

Wallflowers:
These are the causal shul talkers, they keep it cool by leaning against a wall or a piece of mechitza. They tend to speak a few words to people entering the shul, sometimes these people are the unofficial usher, because how many shuls actually have ushers – I hate shul ushers because they make you sit when you would like to scope out best seats for possible Rabbi sermon exit and mechitza peeping.

Old and loud:
In many shuls there are always a couple of these cute old men who wear their pants so high that if they opened their flies, you would see stomach rather then penis. These guys love to hang over the edge of the pew and point their fingers at people as they talk to them. They tend to talk really loudly and have no idea they are doing it. I was in the Kew Garden Hills young Israel once and these two guys kept making fun of each other that their hearing aids weren’t working.

Body language:
Once in a while you see what appears to be a one way conversation, the guy who the shul talker tried to initiate in conversation pretends he is too frum for shul talk, but in all honesty if he was he could have done one of those really loud nu’s!!! Followed by a sh!!! Or he could have pulled his talis over his head, but no such thing happened. Instead the one guy talks and the other guy davens and talks with body. Sometimes a gasp or a uh huh will exit his mouth as he davens, but most of the time he davens and nods in agreement with the talker.

The pause and talk:
I think I have the tendency to have a running commentary and therefore I tend to say a few words and integrate myself into davening and then talk again. It kind of makes me look like I am sort of talking and sort of davening. It usually happens with people who will not answer back and just chuckle at my random thoughts which are always best during shul.

People who only talk during specific times:
There are a whole slew of people who only talk during certain times when it’s deemed as more politically correct to do so. These times include but are not limited to.

After you finish shmona esray before kedusha
Between aliyahs

Between hagba and gelila

While the president is making announcements

During pesukei d’zimra

During chazaras hashas

During the rabbis speech (there are also the opposite types who talk during all of shul and shut up during the rabbis speech)

Upon entering the shul before you find a seat

Anytime you stand up – I call these the stand up talkers

People who talk to their wives over the mechitza – usually to pass things like animal crackers and kids with full diapers

Where do you take your shidduch dates?

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How do you shake your lulav? (video)

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New Israeli movie portrays lesbian love in girls seminary

If you knew how many people a day came to my site by searching any of a wide variety of frum or chassidic combined with the words porn, sex, gay, lesbian, horny, etc… it would be quite shocking. In fact I would love to see the looks on some of these peoples faces as they clicked on my site and expected some bais yaakov porn. But of course google is weird and combines all sorts of things to make the search engine come up with what it does and non of that stuff actually exists. Almost every guy I know has searched for frum porn at one time or another, sometimes going as deep as 10 pages into google when they realized that David Frum a political commentator takes up most results that include frum in the search term. Until now!

I was in Rochester, NY for shabbos and someone made a comment about a new Israeli film that was playing at the Image Out Film Festival which is Rochester’s very own Gay film festival. The film is called The Secrets and its about a seminary in Tzfat where two girls fall in love. Bais Yaakov girls gone wild on film, what could be better? Since it is an Israeli film its probably safe to say that there will be some hot frummy lesbian sex scenes.

I was told that this is actually happening on a regular basis in frum girls schools and I wouldn’t be surprised, considering that all I hear about is pillow fights and KY wrestling matches after they get back from Cafe Rimon and Fro-Yo.

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Sarah Palin Sheitels come to Brooklyn

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Guest poster: Funny thoughts about my conversion to Judaism

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